Thursday, December 1, 2011

How To Make Cookie Dough While Wearing Your Baby

2-1/2 sticks unsalted butter
1-1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 Tblsp vanilla extract
3/4 c cocoa powder
2 c flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg

First, put the clingy baby on your front in your baby carrier of choice. We use a Beco Butterfly 2. Ensure your workspace is clean, and begin to assemble your ingredients. Gather your equipment and set everything up. Wash your hands.

Realize that you have forgotten to let the butter soften. Set the butter under the kitchen lamp and measure your dry ingredients into your smaller mixing bowl while you wait.

Remind Baby that Mommy's earrings are not for tugging.

Check butter for softness and put it into the large mixing bowl. Wash your hands again after getting butter on them while unwrapping the sticks. Measure your sugar into the bowl and cream the two together.

Extricate Baby's finger from your nose.

Return to creaming the butter and sugar.

Peel Baby's fingers off your glasses.

Finish creaming the butter and sugar.

Remove Baby's hands from your ear. Sigh in a slightly exasperated fashion, stop the mixer and put your hair up into a bun. Shift Baby to your back. If you are using a Beco Butterfly 2 or a similar carrier, this will be as simple as unbuckling or untying the straps, shifting the baby, and rebuckling or retying the straps. If you are using a woven carrier, this will require considerably more work, and if you are using a stretchy wrap it will require a completely different carrier altogether.

Once Baby is on your back, remove the baby fingerprints from your glasses and put them back on. Wash your hands again. Then return to the cookie dough. Add the eggs and vanilla and combine.

Babble back when Baby starts a conversation with your neck.

Add your dry ingredients in thirds. Blend your first third in and scrape down the bowl.

Remind Baby that Mommy's hair is not for pulling.

Blend the next third into the batter and scrape down the bowl. Also scrape off the beaters.

Gently nudge the dog away from the errant bit of cookie dough that escaped the bowl and landed on the floor. Admonish Baby not to try to lean out of the carrier to pet the dog while you are cleaning the spill. Wash your hands again.

Return to the cookie dough. Blend in the final third of the dry ingredients, scraping the beaters and bowl frequently. Give up on the mixer and blend it all with your hands.

Realize that you forgot to prep the plastic wrap for forming the dough into logs. Wash your hands again and pull two pieces of plastic wrap from the box.

Bounce up and down to settle Baby, who is bored and slightly fussy.

Scoop half of the dough onto one piece of plastic wrap and the rest onto the other piece.

Resist the urge to scrape the bowl clean with a spoon and eat the dough. Raw eggs and all that. Or scrape the bowl clean with a spoon and eat the dough. Totally your call.

Roll the dough into logs and refrigerate. Wash your hands if you got cookie dough on them while rolling. Clean up the mess on the counter and put away ingredients. Realize that you totally forgot to add the chocolate chips.

You're done!

Real instructions:

Cream butter and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla and combine.

In a separate bowl, sift together cocoa, flour, salt, baking soda, and spices. Add in batches to creamed butter.

Roll dough into logs. Refrigerate two to three hours.

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Slice cookies into 1/2 inch thick slices. Roll into balls and flatten. Bake 8 to 10 minutes. Move to cooling rack to cool completely.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.